This was written for and about my dad... It is also the first poem that I ever wrote... or at least remember writing down.
My father who was living with us was dying of cancer. I was working two full time jobs, which is to say that I was running a dental lab and selling cars both at the same time. I was working 7 days a week, 90 to a 100 hours, and only averaging 5 hours of sleep. My wife was pregnant and we had two little kids. I was stressed and overwrought.
One night when I realized that my dad might indeed die without me noticing due to my preoccupation with providing a living for my family, I decided to sit down and write a letter and let him know how I felt. Instead, a poem fell out of my head and heart and magically appeared on the computer screen.
The title of the poem is a direct quote from my father who had a very hard time expressing his feeling to his wife and family. They will go down in my memory along with such quotes as "YOU CAN AND YOU WILL" which was what he said when we said the words "I can't!"and also "GET OVER HERE WHERE THE LOVING IS" which was a command to come get a hug and your hair pulled or your butt lovingly swatted by his over-sized and callous swollen hands.
I loved my dad and he has been missed.
"The Only One I Got That Size..."
How do I say that I love you, now that your time is near
The same way that you told me so, throughout the passing years
“The only one I got that size,” was the way you let me know
How many times I heard those words, I have no way to know.
A hard man was my dad you see, a rough life he did lead
To say those words to a little boy, he rarely found the need
That’s not to say he didn’t care, or couldn’t tell me so
He just had a different way, to let his feelings show.
And even though that phrase of love, seldom reached my ear
I always knew that I was loved, throughout my growing years
While other father’s said the words, that we all long to hear
I had to settle for a phrase, that now becomes so dear.
“The only one I got that size, the words I’ll treasure so
The memories that they bring to me, the world will never know
And now your time has come to die, to leave this world of pain
At least I have a piece of you, that always will remain.
A treasure that your little lad, will always keep and hold
A phrase to pass to my own son, before he grows too old
“The only one I got that size,” I now know how you feel
To tell the truth… I always did, and guess I always will
